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How does it feel to be depressed?

1. That even switching off the alarm is killing me.
2. That I am not enough and never will be.
3. My friends do not actually care, they only want to seem perfect and saint.
4. If I am happy, I do not deserve it and it feels wrong.
5. "Just wait until you get into your room where nobody sees you. Do not burst into tears until then."
6. I care too much and I am too conceited.
7. I say something horrible about me selfishly just because I want to hear something good after long day. 
8. Do not believe compliments.
9. I suck.
10. I cannot get out of the bed. "How do I do that?"
11. It feels like everyone is just lying to me.
12. Do not want to burden anyone, so I just write down anything to feel alive.
13. Do not want to kill myself, because it would burden someone. 
14. Do not want to talk with others because I just poison their happiness.
15. It feels like everyone is leaving me.
16. I pretend to be happy just not to burden anyone.
17. I am not good enough.
18. I do not want to do anything because I will just suck it.
19. Everything I did looks aborted.
20. I have a lot of remorses following every my step (so I just do not walk).
21. I pretend to be optimistic, but actually I do not see anything good out there.
22. I feel like none of my dreams are valuable.
23. I feel like everything I want and achieved in my life is unnecessary.
24. Everything feels so difficult.
25. I feel like nothing is good about me and everyone else is simply perfect.
26. I do care about problems of others, but when I cannot solve them, I feel down, worthless and incapable.
27. I burden everyone.
28. I leave.
29. I feel like I complain too much.
30. I hate myself.
31. I hate myself more.
32. When I get better I am afraid it will come back - it always does and it gets worse.
33. I struggle with not hurting myself.
34. I do not eat. I do not know why. I just do not. It feels right.
35. I am tired all day and all night, nevertheless I cannot sleep, nor relax. It is like sleep likes me neither.
36. If anyone asks me how I feel I just say "okay". I do not want to talk about my depression, because they all will look at me just like I was weird.
37. I feel weird.
38. I like to think about my death and bad ilnesses.
39. I like to sleep because I do not dream and nothing really exist. But then I have to wake up.
40. I fear loving someone.

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Obľúbené príspevky z tohto blogu

n°6

"You found parts of me I didn’t know existed and in you I found a love I no longer believed was real.” ~ Unknown Can you be this kind of love? The kind of love that changes my attitude to relationships? The kind of love that makes me feel important? The kind of love which I did not see coming? The kind of love that belongs only to those who sacrificied everything to reach it? The kind of love that hurts only when you do a mistake? Can you give me this kind of love? The kind of love that finally reaches my lonely heart? The kind of love that makes my heart beat? The kind of love that messes with my head but never with my heart? The kind of love that plays games with my stomach but not with the beating thing near my lungs? The kind of love that never says goodbye? Can you be this kind of love? Or you cannot? If you are not sure, do not even try. I do not need games or guesses. (Yet maybe, I want you to be this kind of love so much, I will let you play those games on me)

n°8

I wanted you to be the love that changes. You were the love that destroyes. I wanted her to be the friend that heals, she was the friend that abuses. I wanted him to be the one that destroys my pain, he was the one that did not give a fuck. I wanted you all to be my life, you are the ones that killed me