Bilingual

And you remind me of Verlaine - lost in his homosexuality and decadent art. And I fell for this things, because you make (fuck) art in my heart.  "Here are fruits, flowers, leaves and branches, and here is my heart which beats only for you."

You would cage me.

1. That even switching off the alarm is killing me. 2. That I am not enough and never will be. 3. My friends do not actually care, they only want to seem perfect and saint. 4. If I am happy, I do not deserve it and it feels wrong. 5. "Just wait until you get into your room where nobody sees you. Do not burst into tears until then." 6. I care too much and I am too conceited. 7. I say something horrible about me selfishly just because I want to hear something good after long day.  8. Do not believe compliments. 9. I suck. 10. I cannot get out of the bed. "How do I do that?" 11. It feels like everyone is just lying to me. 12. Do not want to burden anyone, so I just write down anything to feel alive. 13. Do not want to kill myself, because it would burden someone.  14. Do not want to talk with others because I just poison their happiness. 15. It feels like everyone is leaving me. 16. I pretend to be happy just not to burden anyone. 17. I

I wanted you to be the love that changes. You were the love that destroyes. I wanted her to be the friend that heals, she was the friend that abuses. I wanted him to be the one that destroys my pain, he was the one that did not give a fuck. I wanted you all to be my life, you are the ones that killed me

And he punched her so hurd she burst into a billion stars.

"You found parts of me I didn’t know existed and in you I found a love I no longer believed was real.” ~ Unknown Can you be this kind of love? The kind of love that changes my attitude to relationships? The kind of love that makes me feel important? The kind of love which I did not see coming? The kind of love that belongs only to those who sacrificied everything to reach it? The kind of love that hurts only when you do a mistake? Can you give me this kind of love? The kind of love that finally reaches my lonely heart? The kind of love that makes my heart beat? The kind of love that messes with my head but never with my heart? The kind of love that plays games with my stomach but not with the beating thing near my lungs? The kind of love that never says goodbye? Can you be this kind of love? Or you cannot? If you are not sure, do not even try. I do not need games or guesses. (Yet maybe, I want you to be this kind of love so much, I will let you play those games on me)